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    Thread: Byron Katie

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      Default Byron Katie

      Hey folks, I wanted to share this. (I wasn't entirely sure which forum to post it in, so I just took a guess!) I hope you find it of interest.

      I'd like to talk about a woman named Byron Katie, one of the most amazingly inspirational people on the face of the planet and a true shining example of someone who has achieved enlightenment and is totally at peace with life. More than that I also want to share a simple process she calls 'The Work', a process which has helped me immeasurably. Whereas once I used to suffer depression at various times in my life, I now find that depression is pretty much impossible now...because I now know how to question my thoughts. Katie's process of 'enquiry' is an incredible tool that anyone can use and which cuts through suffering like a sharpened blade.

      It's helpful to consider Katie's own story. As her website explains:

      Byron Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. For almost a decade she spiraled down into depression, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom.

      Then one morning in February 1986, she experienced a life-changing realization. There are various names for an experience like this. Katie calls it "waking up to reality."

      In that instant of no-time, she says,

      "I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always."

      She realized that what had been causing her depression was not the world around her, but the beliefs she'd had about the world. Instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match her thoughts about how it should be, she could question these thoughts and, by meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy. As a result, a bedridden, suicidal woman was instantly filled with love for everything life brings.


      The essence of Byron Katie's teaching is that suffering is the result of waging our own little war with reality. Not only is it a war that we'll never win, but it's one that will inevitably cause us suffering. "Any thought that causes stress is an argument with reality. All such thoughts are variations of a theme: 'Things should be different than they are.' 'I want...', 'I need...', 'he should...', 'she shouldn't...' It always hurts when you argue with what is.'

      You stop arguing with reality by using a process of self enquiry called 'the Work', in which you identify any thought or belief that is causing you pain or suffering, and use four questions to examine it. Whenever you feel upset about anything, you can ask yourself 'what would I have to believe in order to be upset about this?' Ultimately we confuse our thoughts and beliefs and interpretation of reality as being reality itself. Believing that we know best, that are supreme arbitors of what 'should' and 'shouldn't be' is the ultimate delusion and it's a recipe for a life-long dose of suffering, because we suffer each time life doesn't match up to our mentally-fabricated story of how it should be.

      In the introduction to her book 'A Thousand Names for Joy', Katie writes, "As you inquire into your own thoughts, you discover how attachment to a belief or story causes suffering. The mind's natural condition is peace. Then a thought enters, you believe it, and the peace seems to disappear. You notice the feeling of stress in the moment, and the feeling lets you know that you are opposing what is by believing the thought; it tells you that you are at war with reality. When you question the thought behind the feeling and realise it isn't trye, you become present outside your story. Then the story falls away in the light of awareness and only awareness of what really is remains. peace is who you are without a story, until the next stressful story appears. Eventually, inquiry becomes alive in you as the natural, wordless response of awareness to the thoughts that arise."

      It's not about ridding your mind of thoughts; that would be like emptying the sea of water. It's simply about being aware which thoughts work for you and which don't. If a thought brings peace, it's working for you. If it doesn't, identify it and question it.

      The Work involves taking a stressful thought and applying four questions and a turnaround. This is best done in writing rather than in your head (because as you know it's easy to go around in circles in your head, but on paper everything is given concrete clarity).

      Stressful thoughts might include: 'he shouldn't have spoken to me like that', 'this shouldn't be happening,' 'I'm so useless,' 'I'm too fat,' 'my mother never loved me,' 'my sister should be more supportive,' 'I should have a better job by now.' You might already have a truckload of justifications to support each one, but let go of all your stories. You have to have an open mind to do this and you have to want to know the truth more than you want to keep holding onto your story.

      Hold the thought or belief and ask yourself:

      1. Is it true?
      2. Can I absolutely know it's true?
      3. How do I react and feel when I believe that thought?
      4. Who would I be without that thought?


      It's amazing how you can simply transform even deeply-entrenched thoughts and beliefs that you might have been holding for years. Holding them up to the light of truth you might immediately see how thoughts like 'nobody likes me' are ridiculous over-generalisations and yet you've believed them for years. Then there's the realisation that if we are really honest, we see that there are very, very few things we can be absolutely certain about in life...

      When we realise that holding onto a thought that we probably don't even know is true causes suffering and letting go of it enbales peace and freedom, we can go onto the turnaround, in which we identify the opposite of your original thought and find at least 3 ways in which the opposite is truer or just as true than the original statement.

      The process is elaborated more fully on Byron Katie's website (www.thework.com - which includes numerous videos of her working with people on various issues) and in her books 'Loving what is,' 'I Need Your Love, is that true?' (an excellent ground-breaking look at relationships) and 'A Thousand Names for Joy'. The latter is the first book I read of hers and is an extraordinary portrait of a woman who lives at total peace with life. It's not as though she has had an easy ride either; she has suffered from Fuch's dystrophy, a corneal disease that rendered her intermitantly blind and in constant pain. The way she dealt with that was a total revelation to me. Inspiring just isn't a strong enough word.

      I hope that this has given people some food for thought. I really recommend that anyone uses the four question process anytime you are dealing with difficulty in life. I have found it incredible. When feeling very ill and down about it, I realised that the thoughts 'I shouldn't be ill' and 'this shouldn't be happening' were causing more suffering than the actual illness. I questioned them and let them go and felt a peace in spite of the physical symptoms. It didn't mean I didn't want to get better (never confuse acceptance with apathy and giving up), because I still did everything I could to get better, it just meant I was at peace with the situation - and that sense of peace surely did more to help my immune system than all the stress and frustration.

      If anyone is interested, Byron Katie has an online seminar TOMORROW (Tues 11th November) on Hayhouse radio, in which she will explain the process and help people live on air. It should be incredible and a fantastic introduction for anyone interested (and frankly her work should be compulsory for everyone!). Check it out at: http://www.hayhouseradio.com/liveeve...edule_id=35768

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      Here are some quotes by Katie which I love:


      Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.


      The mind's job is to validate what it thinks.


      There is nothing that isn't true if you believe it; and nothing is true, believe it or not.


      When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.


      I realised that it's insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time. How do I know that the wind should blow? It's blowing!


      Peace is our natural condition. Only by believing an untrue thought is it possible to move from peace into emotions like sadness and anger. Without the pull of beliefs, the mind stays serenely in itself and is available for whatever comes along.


      Who would you be in people's presence without, for example, the story that anyone should care about you, ever? You would be love itself. When you believe the myth that people should care, you're too needy to care about people or about yourself. The experience of love can't come from anyone else; it can only come from inside you.


      I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God's. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When I think, "You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself," I am in your business. When I'm worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God's business. If I am mentally in your business or in God's business, the effect is separation.


      No one has ever known the answer to why? The only true answer is because. Why do the stars shine? Because they do. Why is the glass sitting on the table? Because it is. That's it. In reality, there is no why. It's hopeless to ask; the question can't go anywhere--haven't you noticed? There is no ultimate answer to anything. There's nothing to know, and no one who wants to know. Just have fun with the asking, because there are trillions of answers, as many as the stars in the sky, and not one of them is true. Enjoy the stars, but don't think that there's anything behind them. And ultimately, do you even care about an answer?
      Last edited by BlueStar; November 13th, 2008 at 10:40 AM.

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      Hmmm very interesting Amoyan! Thanks so much for sharing that If you come across anything else you feel could be shared with others...please feel free to follow on from this

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      Quote Originally Posted by Crystallorri View Post
      Hmmm very interesting Amoyan! Thanks so much for sharing that If you come across anything else you feel could be shared with others...please feel free to follow on from this
      Thanks Lorri, I sure will do. If it helps even one person, it's more than worth sharing such things

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      Yes thats why I also started the Channelling thread as any info we recieve I always feel is meant for someone...even if its not directly meant for us at this moment

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      No one has ever known the answer to why? The only true answer is because. Why do the stars shine? Because they do. Why is the glass sitting on the table? Because it is. That's it. In reality, there is no why. It's hopeless to ask; the question can't go anywhere--haven't you noticed? There is no ultimate answer to anything. There's nothing to know, and no one who wants to know. Just have fun with the asking, because there are trillions of answers, as many as the stars in the sky, and not one of them is true. Enjoy the stars, but don't think that there's anything behind them. And ultimately, do you even care about an answer?
      Between Life and the inevitable Death we ask so many why's........what if's......if not's......if only's........never realizing it's hopeless to ask them.....but you've made me realize them .....Amoyan thank you for this thread and keep it coming.....not just me ,anyone who reads this thread will have a thing or two to realize................Ultimately who cares about an answer?

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      Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer View Post
      Between Life and the inevitable Death we ask so many why's........what if's......if not's......if only's........never realizing it's hopeless to ask them.....but you've made me realize them .....Amoyan thank you for this thread and keep it coming.....not just me ,anyone who reads this thread will have a thing or two to realize................Ultimately who cares about an answer?
      I once heard it said, its not the destination but the journey it takes to get there, that matters. If none of us asked questions how would we ever learn anything...how would boundaries be pushed...how would we create new wonders, medicines etc if nothing was ever questioned?

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      I'd like to keep this beautiful thread within it's context ,so i've sent you a PM Lorri.....

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      Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer View Post
      Between Life and the inevitable Death we ask so many why's........what if's......if not's......if only's........never realizing it's hopeless to ask them.....but you've made me realize them .....Amoyan thank you for this thread and keep it coming.....not just me ,anyone who reads this thread will have a thing or two to realize................Ultimately who cares about an answer?
      Thanks my friend I'm glad you got something from it. The quote you referenced was just randomly chosen by opening up a page from Katie's 'A Thousand Names for Joy' book, which totally captivates and illuminates me. Just reading a short passage seems to elevate my mood and consciousness to a whole different plateau (if that makes sense). She brings me a totally different perspective and way of seeing things, coming from an entirely different level. I step out of myself when I read her words or apply the Work (the 4 questions) and, as Thich Nhat Hanh once said, when you are 'empty of self...you are filled with everything else in the universe.'

      Anyway - I will post more Byron Katie quotes when I get some time. I was looking forward to her internet seminar but it is on too late in UK time, so I'll have to download it at a later date.

      Take care

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      I wanted to share this from Katie's book 'I need your love - is that true?' It had a big impact on me, maybe it will have on someone else too.


      The Thought That Kicks You Out of Heaven

      Heaven: This is wonderful. I could stay here forever.
      Hell: This is not quite perfect.

      The thought that kicks you out of heaven could be "I'd be a little more comfortable if I had a pillow." Or it could be "I'd be happier if my partner were here."

      Without that thought, you're in heaven—just sitting in your chair, being supported and being breathed. When you believe the thought that something is missing, what do you experience? The immediate effect may be subtle—only a slight restlessness as your attention moves away from what you already have. But with that shift of attention, you give up the peace you have as you sit in your chair. Seeking comfort, you give yourself discomfort.

      What if you did get a pillow? That could work (if you have a pillow). You may find yourself back in heaven again. It may be the very thing you needed. Or you could pick up the phone and convince your partner (if you have a partner) to join you, and maybe he or she would actually arrive. And perhaps you would be happier, and perhaps you wouldn't. In the meantime, there goes your peace.

      The thought that kicks you out of heaven doesn't have to be about comfort or happiness. It could be "I'd be more secure if . . ." or "If only it could always be like this," or it could be just the thought of a cup of coffee. Most people are so busy making improvements they don't notice they've stepped out of heaven. Wherever they are, something or someone could always be better.

      So, how do you get back to heaven? To begin with, just notice the thoughts that take you away from it. You don't have to believe everything your thoughts tell you. Just become familiar with the particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness. It may seem strange at first to get to know yourself in this way, but becoming familiar with your stressful thoughts will show you the way home to everything you need.

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      Amoyan, your posts and contributions, are like fine art, to me!

      I am still taking in Bryon Katie's words,...I would like very much to respond...but my ideas are still brewing.

      More importantly though, thank you very much for sharing this with us!!
      In Loving Memory.
      Lion Spirit Walker / September 17, 1963 - Dec 30, 2014.
      ... All with Purpose ...

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      Quote Originally Posted by Sphinx View Post
      Amoyan, your posts and contributions, are like fine art, to me!

      I am still taking in Bryon Katie's words,...I would like very much to respond...but my ideas are still brewing.

      More importantly though, thank you very much for sharing this with us!!
      You are so welcome I'm glad I could share something that has helped me make sense of life so immeasurably!

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      thankyou id not heard of this woman till now ..true if it touches one person who then in turn touches another ..its all meant to be x









      " BE PRESENT "

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      I might sound a bit obsessive at this point (I'm honestly not! lol) but I thought I'd post the links to Oprah Winfrey's interview with BK - it's amazingly insightful and she actually goes through the Work with Oprah regarding her weight issues. It's interesting that Oprah seems to struggle a bit with what she's saying until it suddenly all clicks. Definitely worth a watch.

      Part One: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qZnrs4xkB7c

      Part Two: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep2wZo--6xo

      Part Three: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=QeNXDqwEs_0

      Part Four: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ygTLo2ElqVA

      Part Five: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ygTLo2ElqVA

      Part Six: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zkfbBCkiKK8

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      Quote Originally Posted by Crystallorri View Post
      I once heard it said, its not the destination but the journey it takes to get there, that matters. If none of us asked questions how would we ever learn anything...how would boundaries be pushed...how would we create new wonders, medicines etc if nothing was ever questioned?

      As I read Stargazers post, I did not get the impression that he was saying to never ask questions. Because I do feel questions need to be asked, especially when someone is trying to teach you something, so you must test that spirit.

      I do feel though, that many questions I ask myself...I tend to get the answer as I go along with life. I tend to feel that wishes are useless!...LOL

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      i think Amoyan when your spirit minded .. its not obsession ..its a passion and inner expression .thankyou i have benefited from what it is you have posted here ..beautiful ..special and inspiring ..









      " BE PRESENT "

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      Resurrection time.

      I have been using Byron Katie's method repeatedly lately to clear through a lot of difficult stuff that has been unearthed to heal. It works...powerful, decisive. More than that, it offers a clear path to an experience of true awakening - awakening up from the spell of mind and the compulsion to believe every thought that runs through your mind. Wow. Four questions. When you no longer take your own thoughts so seriously, you also become less inclined to give other people's thoughts and beliefs the credence and all-consuming importance you once did. And that is true freedom.

      Also, interestingly - I thought I would share this. Even psychologists are catching on...

      "Two groundbreaking Stanford University pain syndrome experts consider Byron Katie's approach the best form of Cognitive Therapy. In the new revised 5th Edition of A Headache in the Pelvis (pp. 326–330), which came out in May 2008, Stanford psychologist David Wise, Ph.D., and urologist Rodney Anderson, M.D., refer to Albert Ellis' Rational-Emotive Therapy and Aaron Beck's Cognitive Therapy and then write (in their italics): 'The best form of Cognitive Therapy, in our opinion, is offered in The Work of Byron Katie, who provides an approach to disarming catastrophic thinking by means of a process that one can do oneself. This is the approach that we recommend.' They then describe the procedure, adding: 'Our description of this process is rarely sufficient to become proficient at it. We discuss this method in our monthly 6-day clinics. Information specifically about this cognitive therapy work can be found at www.thework.com and in the books of Byron Katie.’"
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