People just don't want honest answer

[Samael]

Let me explain..

Recently, I was talking with a few friends, topic is not very important, what is important is that I was asked something and I answered the truth.. It was one of those questions that one expects to be answered favorably like, Is my baby gifted? or Does these look good on me? Now, I know these people for a long time and I thought that honest answer was what they deserve, I thought that if I lie and answer something vague that I would offend then..

When I eventually did, reaction was not what I expected, it was kinda strange.. Even stranger is that WE ALREADY TALKED about this individually and we all agreed, but when in group they were like [California surfer dude vocie]"Whaaa"[/Californian surfer dude voice]

People never stop to surprise me, sure I would also fake surprise and act all PC, but not with people I know for a looooooooooooong, long time..

[Narnia]

You know, it's funny ... one would think that after having been friends with someone (friend and or family) for a very long time one would only get an honest answer because of the 'knowing' each other for so long .... but somewhere along the way in the friendship, respect and honesty (the foundations to any friendship) slowly start to crumble away and when one is given an honest and straight up answer ... it's like as if it came from left field .... the whole Cali surfer dude knee jerk reaction ... 'Whaaaaa?' ....

It is when we become too familiar and comfortable with each other we can fall into the habit of being indifferent, of losing respect and honesty ... it is then, that we should be more aware of maintaining those fundamental virtues ... that keep friendships strong and alive ... it's like what your siggy says ... 'Training is nothing, will is everything'

At that grassroots of it all ... yes, people actually do want an honest answer ... people want to be respected.

[BlueStar]

Oh... I know what you mean. Ive found that a lot of the time people don't want an honest answer, they just want you to confirm their mental stories and viewpoints, maybe to bolster their sense of self, identity and belief. I can usually kind of sense when an honest opinion is wanted and when it isn't. I've been there myself - times when I've just wanted to hear what I wanted to hear and nothing to the contrary, as though a contrary comment would make my world crumble and push me over the edge LOL

It's a difficult one, I think you have to feel your way with it. I usually just nod away and allow people to believe what they will...if someone asks me for a honest answer and I can sense that they are genuine in their request and that they are open to hearing a different perspective, I will share. But that openness is quite rare in my experience. It's like we all have our own little bubbles and people usually resent having their bubbles burst ! LOL

[Samael]

I agree with bought of you guys.. Also, I kinda sensed that I've been taken for granted a little bit, kinda sucked...

[lgabrick]

I find when I am in those situations and I get the unwanted reaction to an honest answer (Whaaaaa...). I always confront the person in a comforting way letting them know that it is okay to be honest. This either puts the person at ease and restores the chemical balance in our relationship or drives the person deep into their ego and puts them ready to debate and attack. It's not that I want to break up relationships. Either way I feel like I have done the only thing I could do, which is continue to deliver the truth.

[Rana]

..for me it think it depends on the situation and what the subject was about ..for example i have a friend who is exploring her spirituality on a grander level ..she will feel safe discussing these things with myself and one other friend ..but is not discussing what we comfortable discussed in our smaller circle in a larger group , she hasnt come to feel confident in her feelings about it all ..and is still looking at what people will think of her if they (to her) know she is looking into what is still in society considered occult or even weird to some ..and thats alright i understand that ..and she probably would go "waaaahat " too if i brought it up out of the safety and comfort or our trust circle .i think it is more so up to my maturity and empathy to understand this. everything in its own time. i never censor myself when i speak my truth if it is warranted ..or some one asks me what is my truth ..thats easy for me i just say my truth. but i cant expect her to be at the point because ive just asked her ? hope this helps .. sometimes people act in strange ways for un obvious reasons ..

[Samael]

Thanks for your feedback guys, I agree, everything depends on the situation, but if I don't know people very well and if topic is sensitive, I would avoid saying anything, but then again no one knows how we would react in certain situation...

[Lion Spirit Walker]

I sincerely appreciate the 'thought/feeling exercise' inspired by this thread.
It's bounced around within me since first reading through the thread. Good stuff.
For myself it's a matter (as often as possible) of consideration regarding how I myself wish to be treated. I seek truth in my Life. Yet our social communication structure is such that a simple 'black or white' does not exist.
Through sincere respect we learn to understand the 'gray space'.
Peace my friend. Good thread.

[inutero]

Honesty usually gets me in trouble...

[Jester Black]

I think its important to remember that "honesty" in this context can be subjective based on individual perceptions and that that perception may be be different than the one of the person on the recieving end. When that happens, "honesty" can be construed as "judgement" and that will almost always get a negative result

[Samael]

I think its important to remember that "honesty" in this context can be subjective based on individual perceptions and that that perception may be be different than the one of the person on the recieving end. When that happens, "honesty" can be construed as "judgement" and that will almost always get a negative result

This is quite true, great post But, does individual perception changes in company of others or we change it.. Very interesting.. Thanks for your feedback

[Samael]

Honesty usually gets me in trouble...

LOL Just tell her you LOVE her new hair cut even if you can't see any difference..

[Lion Spirit Walker]

Ummmm...Ummmm...Ummm...

[Lion Spirit Walker]

Lyrics from a song by the Rolling Stones comes to mind...."You can't always get what you want. But you get what you need."
Perhaps the need for honesty is greater than the desire to preserve illusions.

[Rana]

im always honest ..as long as i know its not going to hurt a person which comes down to carful and sensitive wording ..

[BlueStar]

"There are three questions you should never answer honestly: how old do I look, do you like my hair and was it good for you too?"
- Daphne Moon, 'Frasier'

[Lion Spirit Walker]

I guess it all depends on your self confidence. Hehehe.
If compelled I would ask. LOL.

[SoulChild]

In the US, we are taught at a young age to not be honest. We are taught this through our parents. Our children are extremely honest, until they get in trouble, or spanked by their parents, LOL

[Narnia]

I think it's all in the deliverence of the honesty ... it's in the way it's presented ....

Hey SoulChild!! Great to see you back here in the land of MW sweets ... been missing your input on things!

[Narnia]

"There are three questions you should never answer honestly: how old do I look, do you like my hair and was it good for you too?"
- Daphne Moon, 'Frasier'

Off topic here, I know ... but ....

HA!!! So true and what a great show it was ....