View RSS Feed

International Misfit Ramblings


Rate this Entry
I don't like where my life is going; it is cold and bleak. Completely void of meaning.
Sin is sin regardless of the pace it takes!
You take a year to have your first affair, or a month till your first one night stand - What were you really fighting off?
The urge to sin in full? Or the urge to sin in haste?

There's a form of purification that takes away the feeling of sin.
How can life continue like this is normal?
I swallow the bile in the back of my throat, pace my steps to the brethren of man, and plant my mouth to their ears; I know they will say, what probably will be done.
But reproof is worth the path to reconcileation.

I sin against the very fabric of light, the forgotten meaning of chastity.
I am what I never wanted to be.
Everything I've given away leaves me with so little value.

Where is the love of the ages?
The feeling of oneness, completeness?
I want to feel again.

The feeling of light.
The feeling of Love.
And the feeling of redemption.



  1. Rana's Avatar
    beautiful piece Gen ! wow !
  2. Lion Spirit Walker's Avatar
    That which you long for has never left you alone. Even in your darkest hour, it has always been here. With you through it all. And you were forgiven even before you entered into this lifetime.
    I believe in You.
    My appreciation and love for you is unconditional.
  3. planetlove's Avatar
    Does a flower have a mirror in front of it to know its beauty...
    Does the light have feeling and emotions to know its light....

    U Being the light itself you are unaware of yourself have to walk in conscious awareness of it ....
    the love in me is you ... know it ...feel it it ...

    words of the mind- heart- light- love...
  4. Genesis's Avatar
    Unconditional is something I realize that is rare to find in this world we live in. Its full of wolves just waiting to accuse you, judge you and throw you away. And whats worse is when you put that judgement on yourself. Maybe its called living, or reviving... but feeling and forgetting is nice too...

    Thank you all for you comments. They mean so much.

    "Who are we to judge whats right and what has purpose for us?" - VNV Nation.
  5. Lion Spirit Walker's Avatar
    It is indeed heart=felt.
  6. BlueStar's Avatar
    I've been thinking of you Gen and wondering how you were doing as I hadn't seen you around much. Sorry you feeling like that. I don't want to take away from what you are feeling, but only to share my personal perspective.

    It's good in a way to see you don't like the direction you're going in, because that enables you to choose differently, something that resonates more deeply with your heart.

    It does sound like you're being very hard on yourself though. I don't personally like the word sin. But I do like Nisargadatta's description of what comprises good and bad: 'good' is what brings peace/harmony and 'bad' is what brings suffering. I believe we need to treat ourselves with great compassion, to be aware of any tendencies we have within us to create suffering and to choose differently, but to let go of any war we're waging with, or within ourselves. We can't find peace in the world or in our lives until we've first found peace within ourselves. I've made some seemingly bad choices in my life, but it was all perfect in a way. I was doing the best I could at the time with what I had, and ultimately it lead me along my path, teaching me what I needed to learn and enabling me to grow and do better.

    You're perfect my friend, even with whatever seeming imperfections you are seeing. You can never lose or tarnish the light that you are, because it's ever within you - bright and inextinguishable, even if the clouds might temporary cover the light occasionally. Be at peace with yourself. We often don't see it ourselves cos we're so darn hard on ourselves, so we sometimes need others to tell us how beautiful we are!!
  7. Rana's Avatar
    gen ..i owe u my apologies .. when i read this i thought it was an artistic piece until ive read the responses friend let me reach you with my soul and embrace you like a sister a real friend. know that i know ur pain.know that i have sat in ur darkness.that i have cried until i cant cry anymore.that i have too been lost. and together we can share in our growth and our evolving into the person most neded .most empathetic because we have been "there" because we can feel our truth and our soul.. sometimes we wonder why ? when? and the numbness .. only to know we are being somehow prepared exactly in the way the universe knows how .. you are beautiful are uunique.. i appreciate you ..and you are never alone in this world ..never change who u are u are fab just the way you are xxx
  8. Genesis's Avatar
    There is no apologies needed, Rana. For when I write, i want it to feel like a piece that anyone can relate to; something extending just beyond the bounds of a personal blog entry. So what you read was your interpretation and thus, your response, completely valid and worthy of merit.

    Guess I'm in that state of voidless "eh" and things are just "meh" "pffff" "gah" "why".....enter more nonchilant terms here i guess. But its a phase, and soon this phase will be void as well....All life is a turning of the page.....