International Misfit Ramblings

So I sat in wonder.
What are my thoughts?
When will i decide whats best for me?
Would I ever really know whats best for me, for anyone?

I'm liking someone more then I am scared to admit; I'm looking forward to seeing him so I worry.
This attachment cannot be healthy - no more healthy then how I decide to recklessly live my own life day in and day out.
He tells me not to worry - a preclosure to worry more.
He tells me not to think much - a sign to think harder.
But I miss the logic in his kiss and the quest for sense in his arms; they are a vice to phantom ends and I've been chasing ghosts for too long. I cannot afford to suffer neglect and the dismissal again.
The cosmos gives me a slap dose of undiluted reality and who is really privy to stop such a pivital brand? So I find solitude in the caress of strangers, in the reality that i have joined the masquerade.
I settle.

But more importantly, I gain the ability shut my heart off and feel with my hands.