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The way home

Eyes of ice.

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by , June 21st, 2013 at 01:04 PM (17642 Views)
nearly 8 months ago I discovered through my husband of 14 years attempt at suicide he'd sexually abused my oldest daughter. I've experienced grief on the deepest levels imaginable. Depression .. And my own want for death ... But through healing. Counselling ... Learning and the unconditional love for my children I'm slowly on my way back ... I'm changed yes ... But a work in motion and I don't expect much anymore.
Ive lost much trust and instinct through this but i still have some hope through my hopelessness. Through my loneliness. Through my dark feeling sorry for myself. My anger at being betrayed. My feelings of guilt at not knowing or sensing anything ... Protecting my daughter. I feel violated on every level. Well there it all is. I'm all cried out .. I've got nothing more ...
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  1. inutero's Avatar
    Time heals a lot of things Rana. All one can do is learn to cope with the despair, pain and sorrow. You can not dwell on the what ifs. All you can do is move forward for yourself and your children. I know the pain of being sexually abused. I was very young when it happened to me. I tried not to think about it, but I did and I felt ashamed and dirty and there was nothing that could change that. But, I moved forward and I learned to live with it and not let it get the best of who I was. After many years I finally faced the memories and it does make it better for me. I have moved forward emotionally and psychologically. I did this on my own. My battle was mine alone as it was unknown to my family and I never talked to anyone in my family about it. At least your daughter is not alone and has you by her side. She too will move forward and you need to move forward to help your daughter. I'm sorry for what you and your family have and are still going through. I have learned talking about it does help because once you are able to talk about it the healing can begin.
  2. Narnia's Avatar
    You two beautiful Spirits - I love you both and it pains my heart reading your stories, and only makes me want to be right there with you ... helping you heal in some way!!

    Rana, dearheart, you are a beautiful and strong Spirit, and inutero is right and very wise, time and talking about it heals a lot of things. You and your daughter have each other, and you both will grow, move forward and forge even a deeper bond.

    Please know I'm sending loving, positive, warm healing thoughts to both you and your daughter.

    ps: and to you too, inutero!
  3. inutero's Avatar
    Thanks Narnia!
  4. Kiran's Avatar
    Rana....you know you and I have spoken at length over things and you know my heart is always with you honey. I love you and this was a courageous thing to do. You know no matter how it may feel that way at times, you are never alone.

    Inutero.....I am sorry you had to experience what you did honey and that you faced things alone. As with Rana, it is a courageous thing to do to speak openly about such things and it teaches and helps us all.

    I was raped by my own husband as well as suffering violence at the hands of another and so can identify with you both. As long as we choose to continue in this life, it allows not only ourselves to grow stronger, but also allows us to help so many others with the compassion we have gained from our experiences. My heart, love and complete admiration is with you both
  5. Narnia's Avatar
    Kiran ... you have great wisdom, kind words, a warm heart and I thank you for sharing that with us!!
  6. Anjou's Avatar
    Rana---My heart swells for you with varying emotions. Thank you for your bravery and for discovering a personal path for healing. As a healer yourself, you know how precious true healing can be. You have many steadfast supporters here, so never feel alone when you feel challenged.

    Inutero---Your words and your message are both wise and comforting. Thank you for your wisdom and your compassion.