International Misfit Ramblings

I Find myself weaving in and out between subways and buses and lines between signs; its the way you roll when your fighting for a moment in time. Between the brushes and the grins and the plights for rims, your sense of humanity seems to dim. And I feel its happenin' to me - a day at a time. And I Dont think I think I like it much.

I've always had a sense of selflessness in me; whether its inborn or by the motions of trained conscience or a mixture of both, it doesnt matter the origin. It's there. It makes me me. It's what starts conversations with anyone - from a women in front of me waiting for the restroom or person sitting opposite to me on the subway enlightning me about grubspots on the Uptown front.

I Feel it in me.
That's the way we all should be.
Not divided and fighting each other from the inside for when it all comes down to it:
No one is better then the other.
Death doesnt discrimate based on status or line or your skin colour.

Mankind can be so much - but in the violence and paranoia of the this world - we shut each other out and forget what it is to really empathize. Sometimes I see my people prostelyting at the entrace of turnstyles offering their sense of relief and hope and I mourn my state. I once cared- more then I do now. I find myself in a state of self-shutoff and start to think too much of it.

I was Downtown today on Broadway and passed Trinity Church - there was a relief etched on the door in line with some verses from Revelation; a unique blend of Alphas and Omegas. Angels and Saints. Humility and Humiliation. And I started to think - more then I have been in the past month - and wondered where would my heart be in the moment of reconcilation? Will it matter whether it's time for me to stay or go?

The answer came to on my journey home. A middle aged white blind man entered our train car at Borough Hall. I happened to notice a black guy cupping his arm -making sure he cleared the gap then backed off the doors before they closed.
Maybe it woke up the true nature in me and I vaguely dodged to give him room before we collided. I think he narrowly brushed my leg with his seeing cane, and still managed to apologize to me. But I waited at the opposite end of the next door staring at him gripping the handle. I turned around asked him where his destination was - he was LIRR bound (Long Island RailRoad). I decided to divert my plans and personally got him to his track. After he was in his train sitting, he thanked me as I tossed a a "get home safe" over my shoulder. And I was on my way again - ever moving and sliding - the opposite direction heading to my Express N. I momentality stopped to support some local South American Metro Musicians I've heard numerous times playing their pan flutes. They graced me with their beautiful sharp and exotic features as I bought a CD and tipped them; I'm sure they've seen me before too. So on the way home I pull out my New CD reading the Rhymes of Matisyahu but stopped to help a Hispanic man to his destination when the three people before me ignored his inquiries.

So I'm home, in such a mood - I just feel. Tunes are jamming on my stereo and I've decided I think I like who I am and cant let this world make me forget where I'm going. Time will continue without me so in the end its not about me, but as for now in little time that i do have - I want to be a light shining in the darkness.

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