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View Full Version : Possible to have a normal life someday? Living with BPD and BD. I need some help!!



Candace
February 16th, 2012, 04:29 PM
Hello, my name is Candace and I live in Missouri. I'm 22 years old and I suffer greatly from Borderline personality disorder as well as Bipolar disorder. It isn't only me who suffers either, I put my fiancee through hell at least once a day and I hate it. I don't know what to do. I'm on medications that don't work and I have no healthcare to try counselling. I need some positive energy I think. It breaks my heart when my fiancee tells me I look almost possessed when I switch into whatever darkness it is inside of me. It happens instantaneously and I have absolutely no power to stop it...yet. I am hoping to find so more down to earth and alternative remedies to this. I did take a positive step yesterday though, I made the big decision to quit smoking! I am on day 2 and feeling a little tired but I think that is due to me being under the weather at the moment. Back to the borderline though. I have read up on it and there are so many contradicting theories to it, I have read that 80% of clinicians don't even know how to treat it properly and I hope to do this with my own willpower as well as medication. I've been struggling with this for so long and so has the one I love dearly. I need some guidance in the worst way. I get so cold, so distant, and so down right mean when it happens. I can't calm down and I can't think straight. It's like the real me is locked away and all I can do is sit back and watch as this darkness in me destroys everything I hold dear. It's frightening and sad...

Narnia
February 16th, 2012, 06:27 PM
First off a big Hello and Welcome Candace to Mysterious Wisdom!

I have a strong feeling, you'll be embraced here in MW and get plenty of positive and helpful input from us!!

In regards to your post .... this is totally about having compassion for yourself, inside and outside. This is where You step in and take command of what's going on with your body and mind. Love yourself, because you are a beautiful and strong person. Give your body the proper nutrients it so needs to be strong physically and mentally. I have longed believed that the modern medicines of today are not the only way to help fix these issues, that so many people seem to suffer from.

My first thought is ... this is about calibrating your hormone levels back to where they should be, naturally. I recommend for you to change your diet and start eating as many organic and wholesome foods as possible, and slowly ween yourself off the meds. Make sure you drink plenty of water balanced with the right amount of electrolytes. Make sure you exercise, if you don't ... start! Start with taking walks or doing yoga to build-up your strength for more intensive workouts that will help you sweat out a lot of nasty toxins that are being stored in your body, which are messing up your natural chemical/hormonal balance.

Think positive. Surround yourself with Love and Light, and with people who actually care about. Be kind to yourself. Yes, it is possible to have a happy and balanced Life! It's all up to you. :)

One more recommendation, while I'm here, get Jillian Michael's 'Master Yor Metabolism' book ($25 or so). It is an extremely informative book on maintaining a healthy body and healthy mind, it'll help you get back on track to feeling 'normal'. :)

HUGS! :girl_yes3 (1):

Candace
February 16th, 2012, 06:36 PM
Thank you so much, I will start doing just that! :) You're right...the toxins mixed with the negative energy collected in my body and mind are taking it's toll on my natural self. I'll definitely look for that book too!

BlueStar
February 16th, 2012, 06:46 PM
Hi Candace, and welcome to MW from me too :) My name's Rory!

You made an important and wonderful step, reaching out for guidance, support and finding different and better ways to cope. I'm going to go away and see what thoughts come to mind, I've written some blog posts and essays that deal with coping with our emotions and thought patterns, mastering them and not being mastered by them. The first step is always awareness - recognising those patterns in you as they come up. So many people are simply unaware of what's going on in their minds, they're just totally consumed and lost in the content of their minds, automatically taking every thought to be reality, rather than just interpretations of reality.

It helps to be very gentle with yourself, as Narnia said. Recognise when negative thoughts and emotions arise...I found it helpful to look at negative emotions and thought-patterns as being like weather-fronts that move through our awareness. We get clear and sunny days and we get dark and stormy days. Seeing the content of our minds and consciousness as being like weather that just drifts through helps us dis-identify from it; it's not as easy to get lost in it for hours, days or weeks. Like all weather, we know it just passes through. Even nature in all its power and immensity can't sustain a storm indefinitely.

Live each day moment by moment. Give yourself a break, be kind and gentle to yourself, and don't judge, resist or berate yourself. Do things that bring you joy as much as possible, even just simple things like relaxing in a bubble bath. Again, as Narnia said, nutrition can be a good thing to focus on, as our bodies are essentially made up of the food we eat, and body and mind are inextricably connected. There's a growing research I believe on how diet can affect mood and thoughts. (But don't go too overboard, a little of what you enjoy has immense therapeutic value :)). Being in nature, around trees and plants also has a real balancing effect. Also, simple deep breathing, and focussing your energy on the point just below your navel (called the dantien in Chinese medicine). This is the body's centre of balance, and breathing deeply and bringing your attention to this point has a remarkable way of balancing and calming mind and emotions. It gets the energy out of the head and into the body. It really is worth trying, often the simplest things work the best.

I'll see what resources I can share. I'll be back. It's great to have you he arm you'll find everyone lovely on MW -- genuinely caring and supportive. I truly believe you CAN get yourself feeling immensely better. Focus on the good days ahead -- they will come :D :two hearts:

Kiran
February 16th, 2012, 07:53 PM
Hey Candace....all I can do is agree with what has been said here except about your meds. I would talk with your doctors honey about how they make you feel as they may be able to suggest a change....it might help with you taking some control instead of the doctors seeming to be that way.
Also meditation is a great way to help centre yourself.
Wishing you well honey. Much love and hugs :)

Narnia
February 16th, 2012, 10:40 PM
I would talk with your doctors honey about how they make you feel as they may be able to suggest a change....it might help with you taking some control instead of the doctors seeming to be that way.

An excellent point ... it is best to let your doctor know what's going on. You may want to consult an Endocrinologist (http://www.hormone.org/Public/endocrinologist.cfm) (click the link if you don't know what an Endocrinologist is), as well for another perspective.


Also meditation is a great way to help centre yourself.

Another excellent point indeed! Here is a thread that you may find useful in regards to meditation ==> True Meditation. (http://mysteriouswisdom.com/forum/showthread.php/1667-True-Meditation)

Be well sweets!! :giveheart

Rana
February 17th, 2012, 07:27 AM
Hi Candace and so awesome to greet a new famil;y member here ! my close friend lives with bi polar and i cherish her greatly and i would like to support you here ( my name is Rana) never feel you cant express anything because we have all had our fair share of everything on this site as you'll come to know gradually and in yiour own time.. my own husband at times says i look possessed and in darkness myself so dont feel abnormal and relate it only to the symptoms of your bipolar because sometimes its just being a woman (hee hee) and i mean that in a good way huh ..because i know from my friend everything she does even if shes just in the ****s gets put down to her Bi polar ... anyway i could rave for way too long ..great your here xx

Rana
February 17th, 2012, 08:12 AM
Dear Candace. is it possible to have a normal life ? oh YES YES YES ..it most definately is my friend dont be afraid , dont feel alone , you are not my friend ... xxxx

Candace
February 17th, 2012, 08:13 PM
Thank you all so so much for your wonderful advice!! :) I am on day three of quitting smoking and feeling the emotional and physical symptoms of withdrawal but at the same time I feel the toxins leaving my body and I think that it's a good first step! I'm drinking jasmine tea and eating healthier :) Again, thank you so much everyone!

Kiran
February 17th, 2012, 08:42 PM
Thank you all so so much for your wonderful advice!! :) I am on day three of quitting smoking and feeling the emotional and physical symptoms of withdrawal but at the same time I feel the toxins leaving my body and I think that it's a good first step! I'm drinking jasmine tea and eating healthier :) Again, thank you so much everyone!

Good for you honey!!! Keep up the good work and you will soon feel the benefits! Don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back for you are doing good! :) (((HUGS)))

Rana
February 20th, 2012, 11:07 AM
Thank you all so so much for your wonderful advice!! :) I am on day three of quitting smoking and feeling the emotional and physical symptoms of withdrawal but at the same time I feel the toxins leaving my body and I think that it's a good first step! I'm drinking jasmine tea and eating healthier :) Again, thank you so much everyone!

Hi Candace and good for you ..i quit smoking a year ago and i FEEl fantastic on all levels ..mind you it took me many times to quit ..hmm jasmin tea sounds like a good start also ... hopw you are feeling better in this moment xxx