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Samael
July 18th, 2010, 12:22 AM
Let me explain..

Recently, I was talking with a few friends, topic is not very important, what is important is that I was asked something and I answered the truth.. It was one of those questions that one expects to be answered favorably like, Is my baby gifted? or Does these look good on me? Now, I know these people for a long time and I thought that honest answer was what they deserve, I thought that if I lie and answer something vague that I would offend then..

When I eventually did, reaction was not what I expected, it was kinda strange.. Even stranger is that WE ALREADY TALKED about this individually and we all agreed, but when in group they were like [California surfer dude vocie]"Whaaa"[/Californian surfer dude voice]

People never stop to surprise me, sure I would also fake surprise and act all PC, but not with people I know for a looooooooooooong, long time..

Narnia
July 18th, 2010, 01:08 PM
You know, it's funny ... one would think that after having been friends with someone (friend and or family) for a very long time one would only get an honest answer because of the 'knowing' each other for so long .... but somewhere along the way in the friendship, respect and honesty (the foundations to any friendship) slowly start to crumble away and when one is given an honest and straight up answer ... it's like as if it came from left field .... the whole Cali surfer dude knee jerk reaction ... 'Whaaaaa?' ....

It is when we become too familiar and comfortable with each other we can fall into the habit of being indifferent, of losing respect and honesty ... it is then, that we should be more aware of maintaining those fundamental virtues ... that keep friendships strong and alive ... it's like what your siggy says ... 'Training is nothing, will is everything'

At that grassroots of it all ... yes, people actually do want an honest answer ... people want to be respected.

BlueStar
July 18th, 2010, 06:42 PM
Oh... I know what you mean. Ive found that a lot of the time people don't want an honest answer, they just want you to confirm their mental stories and viewpoints, maybe to bolster their sense of self, identity and belief. I can usually kind of sense when an honest opinion is wanted and when it isn't. I've been there myself - times when I've just wanted to hear what I wanted to hear and nothing to the contrary, as though a contrary comment would make my world crumble and push me over the edge LOL

It's a difficult one, I think you have to feel your way with it. I usually just nod away and allow people to believe what they will...if someone asks me for a honest answer and I can sense that they are genuine in their request and that they are open to hearing a different perspective, I will share. But that openness is quite rare in my experience. It's like we all have our own little bubbles and people usually resent having their bubbles burst ! LOL

Samael
July 18th, 2010, 07:55 PM
I agree with bought of you guys.. Also, I kinda sensed that I've been taken for granted a little bit, kinda sucked...

lgabrick
September 17th, 2010, 07:42 PM
I find when I am in those situations and I get the unwanted reaction to an honest answer (Whaaaaa...). I always confront the person in a comforting way letting them know that it is okay to be honest. This either puts the person at ease and restores the chemical balance in our relationship or drives the person deep into their ego and puts them ready to debate and attack. It's not that I want to break up (http://www.chacha.com/topic/break-up) relationships. Either way I feel like I have done the only thing I could do, which is continue to deliver the truth.

Rana
September 18th, 2010, 06:38 AM
..for me it think it depends on the situation and what the subject was about ..for example i have a friend who is exploring her spirituality on a grander level ..she will feel safe discussing these things with myself and one other friend ..but is not discussing what we comfortable discussed in our smaller circle in a larger group , she hasnt come to feel confident in her feelings about it all ..and is still looking at what people will think of her if they (to her) know she is looking into what is still in society considered occult or even weird to some ..and thats alright i understand that ..and she probably would go "waaaahat " too if i brought it up out of the safety and comfort or our trust circle .i think it is more so up to my maturity and empathy to understand this. everything in its own time. i never censor myself when i speak my truth if it is warranted ..or some one asks me what is my truth ..thats easy for me i just say my truth. but i cant expect her to be at the point because ive just asked her ? hope this helps .. sometimes people act in strange ways for un obvious reasons ..

Samael
September 19th, 2010, 07:31 PM
Thanks for your feedback guys, I agree, everything depends on the situation, but if I don't know people very well and if topic is sensitive, I would avoid saying anything, but then again no one knows how we would react in certain situation...

Lion Spirit Walker
September 20th, 2010, 02:27 AM
I sincerely appreciate the 'thought/feeling exercise' inspired by this thread.
It's bounced around within me since first reading through the thread. Good stuff.
For myself it's a matter (as often as possible) of consideration regarding how I myself wish to be treated. I seek truth in my Life. Yet our social communication structure is such that a simple 'black or white' does not exist.
Through sincere respect we learn to understand the 'gray space'.
Peace my friend. Good thread.

inutero
September 25th, 2010, 06:36 AM
Honesty usually gets me in trouble...

Jester Black
October 6th, 2010, 04:24 PM
I think its important to remember that "honesty" in this context can be subjective based on individual perceptions and that that perception may be be different than the one of the person on the recieving end. When that happens, "honesty" can be construed as "judgement" and that will almost always get a negative result

Samael
October 6th, 2010, 08:30 PM
I think its important to remember that "honesty" in this context can be subjective based on individual perceptions and that that perception may be be different than the one of the person on the recieving end. When that happens, "honesty" can be construed as "judgement" and that will almost always get a negative result

This is quite true, great post :) But, does individual perception changes in company of others or we change it.. Very interesting.. Thanks for your feedback

Samael
October 6th, 2010, 08:31 PM
Honesty usually gets me in trouble...

LOL :D :D :D Just tell her you LOVE her new hair cut even if you can't see any difference.. :D :D :D

Lion Spirit Walker
October 7th, 2010, 06:51 AM
Ummmm...Ummmm...Ummm...

Lion Spirit Walker
October 13th, 2010, 01:01 AM
Lyrics from a song by the Rolling Stones comes to mind...."You can't always get what you want. But you get what you need."
Perhaps the need for honesty is greater than the desire to preserve illusions.

Rana
October 24th, 2010, 07:12 AM
im always honest ..as long as i know its not going to hurt a person which comes down to carful and sensitive wording ..

BlueStar
October 31st, 2010, 03:29 PM
"There are three questions you should never answer honestly: how old do I look, do you like my hair and was it good for you too?"
- Daphne Moon, 'Frasier'

:)

Lion Spirit Walker
November 2nd, 2010, 12:49 AM
I guess it all depends on your self confidence. Hehehe.
If compelled I would ask. LOL.

SoulChild
November 4th, 2010, 04:55 AM
In the US, we are taught at a young age to not be honest. We are taught this through our parents. Our children are extremely honest, until they get in trouble, or spanked by their parents, LOL

Narnia
November 4th, 2010, 02:18 PM
I think it's all in the deliverence of the honesty ... it's in the way it's presented ....

Hey SoulChild!! Great to see you back here in the land of MW sweets ... been missing your input on things! :)

Narnia
November 4th, 2010, 02:20 PM
"There are three questions you should never answer honestly: how old do I look, do you like my hair and was it good for you too?"
- Daphne Moon, 'Frasier'

:)

Off topic here, I know ... but ....

HA!!! So true and what a great show it was ....

BlueStar
November 4th, 2010, 06:46 PM
I loved Frasier too :)

Here's what occurred to me. Do people's opinions really count for much? I don't really put too much importance on my own opinions these days because they are so liable to change depending on my mood and how I look at things. So other people's opinions don't really mean so much to me anymore and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more. So someone might give you an honest answer to something (honest from their perspective at that moment, anyway), but it's still all subjective and based on personal thoughts.

Just reflecting...

Rana
November 5th, 2010, 08:55 AM
hey there samuel ..dont be too hard on your self ..im sure it can be easily resolved ..a little apology will never go astray xx

Lion Spirit Walker
November 6th, 2010, 03:50 AM
I read the new posts to the thread a short time ago and had to take a few minutes to think about how I might reply. I only 'felt' that I did want to reply.
I considered how open and 'in your face' I can be. And I wondered what may have brought me to this state (simplified of course) of behavior.
Honestly, I believe it has to do with the gross dishonesty and disrespect I see and experience in our world today. We live in a world that has seriously gone over the edge, and sooo very few seem to care. The honesty issue is just a single aspect of this gross disregard for what Life is really all about.